All That I Am Today
(A ministry for THIS moment)
"Offering everything we are to the Lord."
writing by South Dakota author BJ Reese
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"CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD"
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Here, I will let you "listen in" on some of the
private conversations I've had with God, as
I struggle to comprehend His desire for how
I am to live, act, and love as I walk
through this grand adventure called life.
I pray that, as you read them, they help
you find your way to a deeper, more
personal relationship with God.
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To His Glory . . .BJ
Read All Our Conversations With God Articles:
Read All Our Conversations With God Articles:
Learning About Relationship With God
Learning to Give God the Credit
Learning to Understand Surrender
October 13, 2023
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TAKE HEART . . .​
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John 16:33 (NIV)
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.
In this world you will have trouble. But take heart!
I have overcome the world.”
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Jesus speaks these words to His disciples as He addresses the questions they ask Him . . . and He tells them of changes that are on the way. One of our most uncomfortable changes in life comes during times of trouble or hardship. In this passage, Jesus reminds us that He knows about our troubles. He also reassures us that we have nothing to be afraid of . . . He overcame this world.
If we let Him, He stands ready to help us overcome it, too!
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To His Glory . . . BJ
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August 19, 2023
JUST . . . CRY!!!
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This world can be a very overwhelming place. The tools for hate and darkness are all around us, each and every day. No matter how strong your walk with God is, this reality can get to you. The emotions eventually build, until you feel like you’re going to burst. For me, the explosion usually comes in the form of tears.
Then, of course, there’s the opposite problem. Life is wonderful. You are surrounded by people who love and respect you. You’re doing work that leaves you feeling fulfilled and joyful. Your bills are paid, on time, every month . . . and there’s money left over. A recent health issue has netted better results than you could have possibly imagined. Your kids are nearby, and their children are healthy and happy . . . and they love you! It can all leave you weeping tears of intense gratitude.
Either way, the need to cry is equally as powerful. No problem, right? Sit down. Have a good cry. Let the pressure release. Feel better. Simple. Except if, like me, you possess a highly analytical mind. For me, it’s never enough to know that I need to cry. I want to know WHY! I immediately go looking for some deep, underlying cause for my tears.
Most of the time, I can find something. You see, the upside to all that analysis is God uses it to raise your self-awareness. Once in a while, though, there IS no explanation. There ARE no answers. Such was the case for me, earlier this summer . . .
(During morning prayer time) Friday, July 28, 2023 Why are there so many tears this morning, Father?
Because your heart is full.
What do I need to understand about these tears? What do I need to know?
Nothing. Just let them fall.
Tears without words . . .
Yes, child. Don’t ask why. Just feel them, and know your heart is full.
But, are they because ---
Shhh! No worries. No fears. No questions. Just . . . BE.
God has been trying to teach me this lesson since 1999 . . . that there is a special kind of peace to be found in wordless tears. It is an attempt to control things that I still struggle with, every time it arises. Who knows? Maybe, one of these days, I’ll remember that lesson when the tears start.
Perhaps, if I take a lesson from my daughter-in-law . . . When my grandson is having a really emotional day, his mama knows just what to do. Recognizing his need for silent reassurance, she invites him into her lap for some extra cuddle time. Wordlessly, he nods his little head and gratefully climbs into her arms. In a few minutes, he’s back to his cheerful self again, nurtured and restored by the power of a simple hug.
Maybe I need to reach for my Daddy’s arms when my emotions are running high. Don’t think or analyze. Just call out to God, climb into His mighty lap, and cry it out. No words. Just the power of a simple hug. Maybe that’s all I need to know . . .
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To His Glory . . . BJ
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July 14, 2023
Freedom Through Service
(For clarity, the phrasing here is a mixture of NIV and KJV)
“What then, is my reward? Just this: that in preaching the gospel,
I may offer it free of charge, that I abuse not my power in the gospel. Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself servant
to everyone, that I might win as many as possible.”
~ 1 Corinthians 9:18-19
Paul is revealing a wonderful truth here. By openly sharing what we know about God and the salvation Jesus provides for everyone who seeks Him, we feel rewarded. Every time someone surrenders their soul to Jesus, because of the Good News we have shared with them, we feel that reward again. Our hearts are filled with joy, for every soul who seeks and finds the freedom that Jesus offers.
​ To His Glory . . . BJ
See you next time . . .
June 12, 2023
UNFINISHED BUSINESS​
A few months ago, I found myself feeling bogged down by life. Everything felt like a monumental effort. So, I went to the LORD with those feelings, in search of clarity and understanding. This month, I share a portion of that conversation with you . . . may it lead YOU to a greater willingness to trust God with what you don't understand . . .
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(March 17, 2023) Talking these challenges through, recently, with my best friend, we stumbled across some old issues I may never have fully dealt with. The next morning, I came to God with a question . . .
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What is in my way, Father? What is it that won't let go of my mind and soul?
Grief, child.
About my friend's impending death?
Yes.
But, this feeling started before I knew about his diagnosis. Why?
Unfinished business.
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(Here, God revealed a situation from years ago. One which I thought I had dealt with---in a way that would honor God. So, I was confused to learn that IT was behind my current difficulties)
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. . .Why is this coming up now? I thought that the angry part of my character was finally laid to rest?
Not quite . . . in your efforts to CHOOSE gratitude, you ignored some anger. Anger you need to express . . . you chose the 'high road' so quickly, you weren't honest with yourself . . . you stuffed this down and forgot about it. Now it's buried under six years of running.
Running?! . . .
. . . You're using Christian gratitude to hide . . . to help you run away from your feelings.
So, why is it resurfacing now?
Because it is time. You need to look. To REALLY look. You need to FEEL this.
Why now?
Because I said so.
But . . . I don't understand why it matters.
You don't need to understand. Just know that it matters to me. Trust me.
I do, Father. But I don't want to look at all that ugliness . . .
I know. But it's in the way . . . in your quest to choose joy, this issue is stealing you joy. It is interfering . . .
Okay, Father.
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(Footnote: slowly, I have been working through this issue with the LORD. As it turned out, this work would come in handing barely a week later . . . when a potentially terrifying health issue arose. I will share some of that with you next month.
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To His Glory . . . BJ
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May 13, 2023
Show Them The Way
“Train up a child in the way he should go:
and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
~ Proverbs 22:6
Many of us have heard this one before. Still, it is worth repeating. As parents, God calls upon us to teach children the right way to live; the right way to treat others. Yes, they may go through a season of life when they seem to drift off-course. But, if these valuable lessons have been implanted into their minds as children, they will come back to them one day. They will be guided by what they were taught as youngsters.
​ To His Glory . . . BJ
See you next time . . .
April 12, 2023 (Celebrating 5 years)
INTRODUCTION
JUNE 1, 2021
In one of our core presentations, we will discuss the question, “How do I know it’s God’s Voice?” Our goal is to help people distinguish God’s Voice in their lives, as opposed to the voices of their enemies. It is important that we each realize that it probably isn’t an audible voice with which He will speak to us.
More often than not, it will be . . . a thought. A soft, gentle nudge or an idea planted somewhere in the back of your mind. That “still, small voice” to which people often refer . . . THAT is God’s Voice, as I understand it. I’ve learned that the enemy’s voice is often much louder and more insistent; more urgent and anxious; more angry and fear-filled.
Over the years, there have been many times – during my quiet time with God – when it felt uncomfortable for me to express some thought or other out-loud. Sometimes, what I was thinking felt as though it should be more private than that. Or, it has been a difficult question I need to discuss with Him. Since I have always talked to God out-loud, I had to find another way to express the more intimate thoughts.
So, when that happens, I grab my journal and a pen. I write down those deep thoughts that feel too intimate and personal to say out-loud. Whenever I do this, I get a very strong sense of God’s responses. They usually form in my mind by the time I have finished writing my question.
Most of the time, His response is the very next thought that comes . . . the next thing that pops into my mind. That timing has caused me to recognize THAT response as God’s answer to my query. It comes while I’m thinking of the question – not about what the answer might be. To help me clarify, in my journal, who’s response is whose, I write His answers in another color of ink.
Recently, an idea occurred to me . . . to share those discussions here, on this web site. When I discussed that notion with Jan and Kelly, they enthusiastically urged me to follow through. So, starting next month – on this page – I will begin sharing with you my . . . Conversations With God.
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To His Glory . . . BJ
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March 14, 2023
"LET GO!!!"​
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An issue with a long-time friend* tends to pop up several times a year. When it does, I find myself obsessing over what I can do to help him. Such was the case in early February. What I discovered was that I still had a LOT to learn about letting go and trusting God . . .
(*to protect his privacy, my friend’s name has been changed.)
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(February 7, 2023) Father, I’ve barely said, “Good-morning,” and I find my heart obsessing over Derrick’s behavior, and the hurt I feel about it. I’m filled with anger, hurt, disappointment, and a desire for revenge.
My spirit wants me to forgive him --- truly. But my mind and heart don’t want to . . . they want to punish him. I want him to feel the agony and sorrow I have felt so many times. Well . . . my flesh wants that. In that place where my spirit knows You, I want to truly forgive. To let it go and never worry about it again. But I don’t know how to do that.
YOU don’t do that!!! That is only possible through me. Through the grace and mercy that only I can provide. You will never achieve it under your own power or efforts.
Is that why you’re allowing me to obsess over this? So I will bring my feelings to You? ---
--- Yes. You must surrender those feelings --- all of them. You must surrender your desire for Derrick --- or any other human --- to understand or validate those feelings. You must release your desire to feel those feelings, regarding Derrick’s choice.
You must surrender your desire to EXPLAIN your feelings. You must surrender your desire to figure out the solution . . . your desire to help Derrick change . . . your desire to teach him a lesson or make him stop this behavior. You must surrender your desire for Derrick to understand how you feel when he does this. You must surrender your desire to identify the lesson --- or help --- that Derrick needs.
You must surrender your desire to tell Me what you need to have happen . . . to identify the help I need to provide. You must surrender the idea that, if you say the right words, this problem will resolve itself.
YOU CAN’T FIX THIS!!! STOP TRYING!!!
Come to the end of yourself!!! Accept your humanness . . . your helplessness. Allow yourself to BE powerless. Derrick is not yours. He is Mine.
That’s hard, when so many of his actions (the ones that hurt) are virtually right under my nose ---
I know that. But you are still powerless over Derrick, no matter how much you care about him or what you say. No matter how big this problem gets, YOU CAN’T FIX IT!
OH! And you must surrender your desire to know --- or name --- when this will stop. This will happen in
My time --- not yours. Let go, and trust me. Allow me to work in peace.
Show me how, Father. Teach me the words of surrender . . . the words I need to say to myself and you when
my obsession arises . . .
I will. TRUST ME!
(Footnote: slowly, I am beginning to understand that the anger and guilt which I apply to this situation give Satan the upper hand. By avoiding those negative, hurtful emotions, God can take control of this situation and handle it according to HIS will . . . HIS plan. I haven’t perfected this yet; not by a long shot. But I AM working on it. Thanks for never giving up on me, Father!)
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To His Glory . . . BJ
February 13, 2023
God's Legacy of Love
“A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one
another, as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.
By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye
have love one to another.”
~ John 13:34-35
In this passage, Jesus is leaving some final instructions for His disciples. He makes it clear: if we follow these instructions, people will know that we are His. I believe this is every bit as true today as it was then . . . it is certainly needed just as much!
​ To His Glory . . . BJ
See you next time . . .
January 16, 2023
"Don't Let Me Get Stuck Here!"
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This month, I take you outside the book I wrote, into some thoughts that were on my mind as last year drew to its dramatic close. Spurred onward by the devastating changes two friends of ours were facing, I found my mind drifting back --- remembering a time when I walked in the very shoes which these two men are now
forced to wear . . .
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Two men I respect and admire started this New Year without their beloved wives at their side. How well I remember the pain of that reality! Twenty three years ago, it was I who started the year without my spouse. So, today, I offer up a prayer – a hope – for anyone starting this year in that painful place.
For each and every one of you, I pray for strength, and courage, and grace. I pray that you will find the same stubborn determination that God gave me, all those years ago. In those moments when the grief and sorrow were completely overwhelming me, I would run to God. Sitting alone by the creek, or in the woods, I would cry out my anguish to Him. Before I started expressing whatever thoughts were on my mind, I sent up this urgent request:
“Father, I know these feelings are normal. I know I have to go through them. I know these feelings
of rage, despair, and hopelessness are a natural part of the process of grieving. I KNOW that! Just, please . . . PLEASE don’t let me get stuck here!”
Once I had issued that desperate plea, I would go on and say whatever was on my mind in that moment. I expressed myself honestly and, often, angrily. Usually, that meant I was YELLING my thoughts. Sometimes, I’m sure, it probably meant I was cursing. Somehow, my heart knew that God didn’t mind. I felt His warmth there with me, even in the calloused harshness of my words. With all my heart, I believe that He appreciated my honesty. I know, for sure, I always felt a little lighter and less burdened afterward.
I urge you, dear ones: if you are in that dark, painful, terrifying place, BE there! Let yourself truly FEEL whatever it is you’re feeling. Trying to suppress those harsh feelings causes more trouble than you can imagine, and far more trouble than they are worth. Stop. Sit down. Feel. Let yourself come unglued for a little while.
In that moment, be honest with your Loving and Faithful Heavenly Father about what you are feeling (remember: He already knows, anyway!). Share your agony and heartache with Him. Share your rage with Him. Share your hopelessness with Him. Let Him lift away those heavy burdens for a little while. Let Him help you pass through that place . . . knowing that He will help you avoid becoming trapped there, if you’ll let Him.
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To His Glory . . . BJ​